Well I've emailed several 'officials' in Ireland about the immigration laws but I haven't heard back yet. My fingers are crossed so tightly they hurt. Past little while I haven't been able to sleep until five in the morning, yesterday/today I didn't go to sleep until 6:30, I'm amazed I can still function. I'm so unfocused and confused lately that this entry is going to be pretty chaotic. I feel like I'm pretty done with romance at the moment, I'm getting to that point where I'm just tired of being put through the same shit every time and expecting a different outcome. There's never going to be a different ending, it'll always be the same heart break because I fell too hard, too fast. Fuck it, I'm an adult, I know life goes on and I know there's someone out there but it still hurts every time I fall.
It was a sullen type of misery that hung in my heart as I watched him leave. Its dark claws digging into the organ that I had no desire to keep. She'd taken him from me some time ago, maybe he'd never been mine to start with but it had sure seemed like it. It was harder than I thought it would be to turn away, every part of me strained to run after him, to steal him away. Though hesitation pulled at my muscles I crouched down and slipped under the gate. This was the last time I would leave our place, the last moment that I could imagine us in our fevered glory. My leather clad foot collided with the harsh rusted iron of the gate and I bit down on my tongue to hold back the profanities. Digging sharply into my jean pocket and sliding out my lighter. The black coat glistened against the fading sun as I light it, laying its heat against the string I watched as it danced ever closer to its goal. With moments to spare I rose and walked briskly away, the sound was deafening, the heat scorched my skin and burnt my fly away hairs. My heart cried for him, for our place, for the death I had caused. But in the end, if I can't have him, no one can.
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