All The Way Past Hell.

Alright, so I think I've sorted out whatever it was I needed to. I managed to get to sleep by 2am last night, and I'm quite content with single life once again. I think somedays it just takes a few surprises and a few changes to work through the things we don't always want to let go. I'm much more content to hold out for the British boy I hope to someday meet, and yes I know that sounds childish and girlie, but I'm finally holding out for something and I think it's a start. A start that may take time, but I think I'm finally willing to wait, I'm finally okay with just letting things happen. There's no point in forcing something that could never happen, it'll only ruin the joy of finally finding it. I'm glad to be at a point in my life where I'm starting to become more comfortable. Sure I still am shy and nervous and worry about what other people think of me, but I'm getting to the point where no matter what they think of me, I've learned not to care. It's been hard, though worth it in the end.


     The cliff grasped at my calves, small pebbles dragging across my ankles as I swung them back and forth. Dark, cloudy waves rose and broke against the rock, raining ice drops against my rosey cheeks. My teeth scraped the inside of my mouth, pulling at the skin and pricking through. It ought to have hurt, to have drawn blood against my tongue. Though I guess I didn't really have any blood to spill, not any more. I could see it washing away, pulled into the receding tide and across the world, the moon pushing it where no one would see it again. Not that anyone would have cared to see it anyways, they'd never even wondered where I went off to all the time. The mornings where I paced quickly through my routine and dashed from the house before they could begin to care. Mind you, if I had waited until someone had cared I'd have been sitting there all day, even then they would have barely notice. The screech of a gull tore me from my memory, 'Oh.' I really thought I wouldn't be able to hear after I did it, though I can still touch the rock and the sea spray still hits me. This was much different then I thought it would be, I felt much more alive now, here in a moment no one but me would ever find. My gaze turned slowly back to the body lying tangled in the rocks far below, her dark hair trailing into the brine. My pale finger tips sliding off the rock were the last thing visible as a wave crashed down and dragged me under, down and down, all the way past Hell.