Anxiety

Graduation is getting so much closer, and I am constantly stressing out. I can't help but to panic and start to hyperventilate. This anxiety is terrible, especially when I am trying to drive.

Anxiety.
    Panic.
 Sheer unguarded fear.
              I can barely
 breath, watching
as we begin to take the
      stage.
  My shoes slap the
                   ground,
as quick and loud
       as my heart
  beat.

Kisses in the Rain

Real life blurb - I am a very nervous person. I constantly second guess myself and my actions, and it really is a pain in the ass. Lately though I have only two things that are making me very nervous. The decision that someone is making, and the plane trip to South America. That's another thing. I am a terrible flyer, I hate plans almost more than I hate seaweed (I have an irrational fear of seaweed) and I am extremely scared of having to fly on so many planes. I hope that by the time the trip rolls around, I will at least have one stresser out of the way. I hope.

             *                         *                                  *                                          *

Rain falls steadily around me, washing down in torrents, soaking through my jeans and chilling me to the bone. I wrap my arms around my torso and hug myself. He should be here soon. At that I heard the rumble of a small truck racing up the drive. I watched as headlights swung around the corner and tires lurched to a stop. One loud door slam later and I was wrapped in the arms of the person I had been dying to see. He pushes away my soaking bangs, and tilts my chin towards him. He smiles his crooked smile and kisses me. He kisses me in the rain. Perfect.

Picnic of Peace

The leaves are turning green,
       and the sun is shining
 bright.
  Lay the checkered blanket out,
      and drop the picnic basket.
Take my hand and
                pull me down, laying side by
   side.
A summer day is all we need
     to find a moment of
peace.

Hunger need

Today I think I'll write a little scene...my poetry is making me a little bored, so here is something a little different. Thank you again for all the veiws :)

It tastes like metal. Like an old piece of pipe that has been left out to rust in the late fall weather. Blood. You think I would be use to it by now, and not so afraid of what it evokes within me. An odd little stirring starts at the tips of my toes. Within seconds it's all the way to the top of my head, and I can resist it anymore. Launching forward I take what is due, never enough to kill. Only enough to satisfy the over whelming craving. It's never enough though. The constant flow of need, of lust, of hunger, startles me. I can't control it. The one thing I can't control. The one thing. My need to kill.

Singing Fall

So life has been a little odd lately, and I'm working on wrapping my head around it. The thing that troubles me most is how balanced life seems to be lately. For every good thing, there seems to be a bad thing. I'm used to days of only good things...or days of only bad. But lately everything seems to be happening in rapid succession. Well enough of my boring life and terrible spelling.

How I wish I could
      sing. The words would
flow so freely. To you
            they would be
vulnerable, and to
        me they would be
   true.
I would sing into the night,
            longer than
     the stars could shine.
 And every note would be
                       perfect,
      and every word would
convince you.
           There would be
        no question, of the love
  I've found for you.
There would be no wonder,
                because the words,
   would be true,
         and the notes would be sweet.
 And you could see my love,
                     just how easily I
        fall.

Passionate Lust

Hands, not quite cold,
   yet chilling all the same. You
run
  them
       over me. Tracing
  each line.
       Press your lips to mine,
lust from soul to
            soul.
  A burning desire to
reach every
              inch of each
     other.
I trace your lips, watching them
                     part, your
         breath quick and warm.
   Your lips to my neck,
                            chilling,
exciting. Passion I hardly
                 knew
                     existed.

Torrents of Hope

Endless torrents of cloud,
       tsunamis of rain pouring
  over my head
             and drenching my clothes.
Everything is clingy, even
    the humid air. Hanging heavily
in the canopy.
           Every night has
      become this waterfall, every
 moon has disappeared.
              And it brings me
    hope.

I fear that it's not as fair as you think it is.

I fear that I might lose
     everything.
I fear that I might lose
            you.
I fear that I might lose
       sanity.
I fear that I have already lost
                    the game.
This isn't very fair,
     you know. The way
             you leave me
 stranded
       and on my
                     own.
It's really not fair, to assume
    that I can cope.
             To think that I can
  handle being
                  on my
         own.
It's not very fair, the rules
                   of this
      game.

Upbringings and misgivings

So today I recieved my graduation present, which was something I have wanted for quite some time. Late this evening my dad pulled into the drive way riding my brand new Honda street bike. And yes I know there are people who are going to scoff at the Honda brand, but I love it. I am overjoyed to say the least. Anyways, I will actually write something now...thanks for the veiws :)

Sweating palms. Rapid heart beat.
       Erratic               breathing.
   Twitching.  Nervous
                stutter.
Should I worry what is
                        happening to me,
  and all because of you.
But do I know
                 you yet? Have I ever seen
             you in my life?
No.
            But sometimes I have
      faith. And right        about now it
 seems like all I might
                                have.

Death Rattle

So, to anyone who actually checks this, sorry about the absence. I have been going through a bit, and just needed some time. But I will try and write as much as possible. Here is a quick something to quench the thirst, hope it helps :)


Every feeling seems to lead to something that I just can't handle. And with all this talk it's getting harder to concentrate. The sounds in my head are clanking, clashing and fighting to escape. Even as I twist my hair back and pull it under the hood I keep close to my ears, I can't drive out the noise. Apparently I am just going to have to deal with it. You should know that I was okay once. I was normal. I dealt with everything that people usually do, over-protective parents, annoying siblings, the works. But things seem to be changing, and not in the way I wanted them to. In something quite entirely different. Something dark. Something I can't quite seem to put my finger on. Enough of my crazy person rambling though, and back to the moment. I wrap my fingers in the loose shirt that clings to my legs, twisting and pulling at the already frayed fabric. My cutoff shorts aren't enough to protect my bare legs from the biting cold of the train seats. I should never have gotten on here, this wasn't a good place to be. And I can't explain how, but in that moment I relaized just how bad things were about to get, way down in my bones there was a gentle ache.

The sudden lurching of the train tore me out of my seat and flung me against the window. A warm trickle of blood ran down my face and as I pressed my fingers to it I heard something more terrifying than even great pain. I heard the voice of death, quick, emotionless and razor sharp. His dark hands flitted towards me, grasping at my wrists. There is nothing I could do. This is the end.