A Little Blood for all the Biters.

The amount of stressed I feel right now is ridiculous...I've applied at so many different places and still haven't heard anything back. I was suppose to be moving in November 1st and now I don't know how that's going to work seeing as October is already almost over. I'm holding out though and hopefully someone will call in the next two days!


  The winter wind whipped against my barely covered caves, freshly fallen snow crunching beneath my feet. I crossed my fingers inside my red coat pocket, tucked my black hair back and pushed the doors open. 'Helloooo' there was no response, not even the creak of excited feet running down the stairs. I hadn't seen my family in almost a year and it appeared that they had neglected to remember my day of arrival. It was 5am, October 31st, Hallowe'en or more commonly here, All Hallows Eve and yet my horror crazed family was silent on such an important day. I kicked my heavy boots against the wall and aimed my coat on to a hook. Walking quitely I made for the over sized staircase that interupted the grand entrance way, the marble was cold against my stocking clad feet and I took the steps two at a time. The moment my toes touched the carpet I knew something was wrong, it was almost as cold as the marble I had leapt off. My hand snaked towards the first door and I wrenched it open...silence. The wooden bed in the middle of the room was empty, slept in, but empty for hours. Each room was the same, blinds still drawn and beds left messy. Creeping back down stairs I couldn't shake the feeling that something was off in the house, and that I wasn't as alone as I thought I was. My eyes darted along the ceiling, seeing it instantly. A large black bat hung from one of the many thick wooden rafters, its small eyes glaring back into mine, with one fell swoop it launched in to the air. As I attempted to duck from the enivitable touch of its leathery wings, the brush of something much more sinister met the pale skin of my neck. 'August!' I cried as I turned to find my elder brother with his teeth nearly breaking through my skin. 'Katarina, you've really let your gaurd down this year.' A quick chuckle and he wrapped his long arm around me, 'Everyone's been hanging out since you've arrived.' He laughed at his own joke and gestured to the bats now quickly leaving the rafters and turning shape. In moments my entire family surrounded me, blending with the darkness that always surrounded us. 'To our seven hundred and eighteith All Hallows Eve!' I called, a cheer rising around me and echoing through out the house, 'And to many more!'

Perfection in Surrender.

Still waiting to hear back about a job, or any job. I'm getting a little stressed out but there isn't really anything I can do about it other than just wait. If I haven't heard back by next Wednesday I'll be heading back there and applying at grocery stores...at least then I'll have a job, though not one that I would like to have. Once I know about the job then I am going to ask at the apartment building wether or not I could get a one bedroom as opposed to the bachelor I am currently in for. The contract is at least a year of living there and I'd rather have a little extra space even if it does cost a bit more.


     It feels like a perfect night. The moonlight dancing trails of magic across our glistening skin, cascading with the droplets that fall from our foreheads. The excitment slowly drained from the moment, rolling away with the wind and the darkness. Your fingers lingered over my collar bone. Drawing them up and across my lips you sighed, barely louder than the ocean pulling at the sand dragging the world away from us. Do you remember the first time you told me you loved me? We had laid together much like this, wrapped between long limbs whispering sweet nothings. You picked me up and swung me through the summer air, 'Forever and for always' you sang to me. You're singing it again now, though this time it's tear stained and broken. The sweat on my body is quickly turning to ice, clinging to my skin and leeching away the color. I can feel your arms wrapping around me, pulling me from the sand and towards the water. 'I love you.' The water wraps slippery blankets around me, dragging me out and under. 'Forever and for always.'

Our love is yellow, why not red?

Life is crazy as usual, things with the place I had planned to move to fell through so that tossed a wrench in the plans. I did manage to find an apartment though and I do love it! I spent a week in Kamloops handing out resumes and learning about the routes to various places, it turned out to be a lot more fun than I thought it would be and I can't wait to move there. I'm still waiting to hear back on any of the jobs, and as soon as I do then I can put it down on my tenancy application and move in!! Good luck internet high-fives are welcome!

  She sang about love being red, being forceful and imminent and passionate and overwhelming. Was our love ever like that? It seemed so much paler, lighter, dreamier, sad. It was sad. The moments that I hated you so completely, promising myself that I would never trust you again. Convincing my so fickle heart that I could handle being away from you. Have we finally come this? To the point where all I see when I look at you is distaste? A part of me hopes that things will change, that the silence will turn to laughter, the tears to smiles, the distance to warmth. Our love seems so yellow. Quitte and calm and reserved. I don't want yellow love, I want red. I wish you'd show me that I don't hate you, show me that I love you, that everything I think I know is wrong. That love should be red, brilliant, dangerous, treacherous, beautiful, amazing and always changing. Your love is yellow. My love is red. Always Red.

Tears, Fears, and Adulthood.

Everything is finally getting sorted out! I'm heading down to Kamloops this weekend to hand out some resumes and adventure around, I can't wait! I've also been looking into the O'pare program and I'm hoping that I can go to England for a few months some time next year...really hoping!! It's still a little alarming that I'm actually growing up and I'm going to have to be paying rent, though I must say it's also really exciting. I'm still trying to work out some kinks with getting back into writing more often and it is getting a little easier. I had just lost so much desire and passion for it that it was almost painful sometimes. Bear with me! Here's an expert from the short story I'm currently working on...

He was a recent convert, falling into the often confusing world of faith. I held nothing against him for it, though I was an atheist, the way he experienced life was always interesting. He was my little brother after all, the boy who had grown alongside me, who had often shouldered the blame that I could hide from. What I always thought was a normal sibling relationship seemed strange to others, the way we could so easily insult each other and have no conflict come of it. We did have our fights though, loud screaming matches that left me in tears far more often than they did him.

Mismatched Socks and New Releases.

I'm trying to get back into the habit of sitting down and trying to write and so far it's helping, thankfully. I recently purchased the new J.K. Rowling book 'The Casual Vacancy' and I've been pleasently surprised with it. It's and extremely interesting story following the lives of multiple people in a small British village after the death of a council member. It's a little hard at first to realize that it is not apart of the Harry Potter serious and the language and writing are quite different, but after the first few pages I found myself instantly hooked. I really recommend reading it if you ever get the chance, I highly doubt that you'll ever regret it.


   It always seemed a rather strong coincidence between the kindness of others hearts and their socks. My sister has this best friend who never wears matching socks and they've only ever had one fight. In the fifth grade they fought over a boy that my sister wouldn't tell my mom about, she said it lasted about a week before they cried and hugged and everything was better again. They promised never to fight again, and it wasn't one of those silly ten year old girl promises, it's lasted them their lives so far. My sister always told me just how important socks were in life, especially the ones that didn't match. The girl I fell in love with never wore matching socks. Not once did I see her small feet clad in two of the same style. I think my sister had it right, there really is something lovely about the little disorganization of mismatched socks. Something in that trait gives hearts a different beat, a different rhythm. A mismatched rhythm.

Fatal Fears.

So I've been scattered as usual and haven't sat down to write in ages. Mostly out of fear that I would have nothing to write. I don't know what it is but I've been so bored with the idea of writing and of trying to restart the creative ideas, there just didn't seem to be any point in trying to do something that seemed imossible. I'm still waiting to finalize all the plans for moving and for having a job there, and I'm really hoping that it'll happen pretty damn soon. I'm hoping the desire to only spend 2/3 more years in Canada will help me to try and actually get something out there and read and maybe even published.


      Grey ice crept along the window pane, coiling around the palm pressed against it. The coldness of it barely seeping through her thin skin. With a quick intake of breath she withdrew her hand and shuffled along the sill. The snow that had fallen earlier was still clinging to the branches of the willows in the courtyard, blanketing such a horrible night in pure beauty. The quiet grace of the night was what made her waver, a slight moment of hesitiation before she chose. With her steel grey eyes locked on the ice slicked pavement below she dangled her foot in the open air. All she had to do was take one more step and everything would be beautiful once again. One last time, she whispered. The frozen night air blanketing her fatal fall.