Reason in the Rhyme

The internet at my house has been down for the last few days, and I've been attempting to fix it. However I am probably one of the worst people to try and fix things, so I've given in and am hoping that someone else will fix it soon. The Harry Potter week at the library I'm at went really well and I was impressed with the turn out. The wands were a ton of fun to make and the kids thought it was amazing that I had my very own 'real' wand. I might be moving again....I'm still waiting to hear on whether or not it's possible, and I'm really hoping that it is. The stress has been a bit too much and I'm finding that it's been a little harder to write. Here's a little something that I've been working on...


    They always told me everything happened for a reason. The scars were for a reason,the constant pain, the titanium. For a reason. It's hard to just accept the excuses that they're constantly feeding me. It can only last for so long, there are only so many reasons in this world. At least, there are only so many reasons in my life. And not one of them could be that important. It just couldn't.

Ruby Rudeness.

Sorry for the absence, I've been a little scattered this past week. I ended up getting the appt. for the tattoo and it looks awesome! I'm so glad I was able to get it and I can not wait to get more, I've already got somethings in mind. It's Harry Potter week at the library I work at and I'm over the moon about it. We're helping the kids make wands and wizard/witch hats and practice spells! It's all very exciting, and a little overwhelming.


    They're daggers against my skin, pooling ruby against alabaster, staining warmth on frozen flesh. They're just razors I remind myself, sooner or later the darkness would have reached my blood anyways. The pain would have clenched around my heart and pulled what little light remained. It was fascinating watching small sweet drops fall into the quickly churning falls. Fascinating to know that what kept my alive could leave my body faster than it filled it. There isn't much pain right now, the numbness is all that holds my heart. They could have stopped it, could have prevented the cold and empty abyss. But here I sit. Alone. Numb. Dead.

All The Way Past Hell.

Alright, so I think I've sorted out whatever it was I needed to. I managed to get to sleep by 2am last night, and I'm quite content with single life once again. I think somedays it just takes a few surprises and a few changes to work through the things we don't always want to let go. I'm much more content to hold out for the British boy I hope to someday meet, and yes I know that sounds childish and girlie, but I'm finally holding out for something and I think it's a start. A start that may take time, but I think I'm finally willing to wait, I'm finally okay with just letting things happen. There's no point in forcing something that could never happen, it'll only ruin the joy of finally finding it. I'm glad to be at a point in my life where I'm starting to become more comfortable. Sure I still am shy and nervous and worry about what other people think of me, but I'm getting to the point where no matter what they think of me, I've learned not to care. It's been hard, though worth it in the end.


     The cliff grasped at my calves, small pebbles dragging across my ankles as I swung them back and forth. Dark, cloudy waves rose and broke against the rock, raining ice drops against my rosey cheeks. My teeth scraped the inside of my mouth, pulling at the skin and pricking through. It ought to have hurt, to have drawn blood against my tongue. Though I guess I didn't really have any blood to spill, not any more. I could see it washing away, pulled into the receding tide and across the world, the moon pushing it where no one would see it again. Not that anyone would have cared to see it anyways, they'd never even wondered where I went off to all the time. The mornings where I paced quickly through my routine and dashed from the house before they could begin to care. Mind you, if I had waited until someone had cared I'd have been sitting there all day, even then they would have barely notice. The screech of a gull tore me from my memory, 'Oh.' I really thought I wouldn't be able to hear after I did it, though I can still touch the rock and the sea spray still hits me. This was much different then I thought it would be, I felt much more alive now, here in a moment no one but me would ever find. My gaze turned slowly back to the body lying tangled in the rocks far below, her dark hair trailing into the brine. My pale finger tips sliding off the rock were the last thing visible as a wave crashed down and dragged me under, down and down, all the way past Hell.